Sep. 22nd, 2010

gypsyanna: (Default)
My cousin and I weren't close. As children, we were infrequent playmates only because we were close in age. As adults, we didn't communicate. Communication had always flowed between our mothers, and then trickled down to us. Strangely, my mother always seems to get nervous whenever I initiate contact with any of my relatives. Odd.

So Amelia's death didn't - or shouldn't, to my mind - affect me too deeply. I've cried, a little. Those slow, few, quiet trickles of distant regret, with a more immediate care and concern for my aunt and Amelia's kids. I don't believe I have the right to pretend to really mourn for a woman I didn't know, a child I only fleetingly remember. I don't know her personality, her likes, her dreams... I have no right to mourn.

But there's a fairly new band out, and a fairly new song, that seems almost perfect for the situation. It reduces me to sobs every time I hear it - which isn't good when most of the time I'm listening to the radio while I'm driving.

Of one thing I'm sure: Amelia lived life to the fullest, and enjoyed it. She died young, but she lived well. She grew up, got married, had children, saw those children well-started in their life. Saw two of the three beginning to establish the people they would become, the personalities and identities that were uniquely them. She had a good relationship with her mother, a stepfather who doted on her, and a husband who loved her. For all that her death seems careless and stupid, perhaps it was what she was meant to do. She lived, she loved, and her death let others live instead.




If I Die Young
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh.

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I’ve
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there’s a
Boy here in town says he’ll love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when your dead how people start listenin’

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I’ll wear my pearls.

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gypsyanna

June 2012

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