Sep. 17th, 2010


Sep. 17th, 2010 10:38 am
gypsyanna: (Default)
Nothing makes you feel like a failure more than not being able to meet the expectations you have for yourself. Especially when that expectation is so minor, so easy, that damn near everyone can succeed at it, to some degree.

And you just...drop. What is wrong with me that I just can't get Algebra, even though I enjoy working the problems?

There have been so many distractions this first month of the semester, but they shouldn't have mattered. I should have managed. I should be able to do this... But today is our first exam. I've been studying. I opened a practice test. I stared at the first problem. And I didn't have the faintest, foggiest clue on what I was supposed to do with it.

Unfortunately, during a semester there are so few tests that if you fail one, there's almost no hope of recovery. So it becomes a choice: take the test, fail it, and get less than a C on the course, just to retake it again. Or drop it, promise to study hard and KNOW Algebra before taking it again next semester, and feel like you've failed yourself AGAIN.

Like most things in my life, Algebra is one of those things that I enjoy, but am a failure at. Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It shouldn't be this hard. I don't understand why I can't understand it. I take some pride it being able to figure things out. I may not figure them out the most efficient way, but I can figure 'em out enough to get them to work, consistently.

But not Algebra. And without Algebra, I can't take most of the classes I still need to take to get my bachelor's.

On the up side: I won't have to take 2 hour lunches anymore just to attend the damn class.

But I still feel like a failure.


gypsyanna: (Default)

June 2012


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